Saturday, 22 December 2012

Happy Holidays!! Love, Jane xo

     I'm sitting on my cozy couch watching Ginger Rodgers, vivid with glamour even in black and white. By the itty-bitty colored lights of our tiny Christmas tree, I'm ticking the last few things off my holiday to-do list.  And thanking the Lord for the convenience of internet shopping and express shipping!
     I haven't done very much at all in the way of writing lately. I haven't done much of anything at all lately. I've been bed-ridden with fevers, sometimes losing hours to black dreams and feeling deliriously confused. In eight weeks I've lost twenty-two pounds, not being able to keep anything down, repulsed by even the smell of food. Even though things look fairly grim regarding my health, I'm refusing to give up my fight to be home for Christmas this year! The nurses are coming every day for IV treatments at my home in an attempt to keep me stable, but the infection rages on. I missed my son's Christmas concert this week, which broke both our hearts. 
     But my son came home. 
     If you've seen the world news, you know of the tragic shooting down in Connecticut where so many small children lost their lives. I cannot begin to imagine the magnitude of that loss. I cry just thinking about those children and their families. Parents who have closets full of presents, waiting for the little hands that will never come home to open them. I cry thinking about how every time the holidays come around which are meant for family, love and laughter - they will only be haunted by these wretched memories. My heart aches for them.
     Our neighborhood suffered a different kind of blow last week as well. My son's principal was arrested as part of a drug trafficking ring. He watched over our kids the last few years. Even played hockey with my father and brother. Arrested along with twenty-seven others (including a doctor and other reputable members of the community) they also found two hundred and fifty thousand dollars in dope paraphernalia, a hundred thousand in cash and five guns when they raided there drug house.
    My son was shaken by both of these horrid events and asked me the questions I couldn't answer. 'Why would someone do such a thing? I thought we were supposed to trust our teachers?' How can I make him feel better when the world seems big and scary even to me?! 
I wish I could gather him up in my arms and home school him until he turns eight-teen and then ship him off to college in full body armor. 
     What I do know is this holiday season I'm with the people in the world I love more than anything. I know there will be singing and dancing, laughing at comic holiday movies, surprises from Santa and riots of good cheer as we ring in the new year. I also know now that I will have all of this whether I'm in my bed at home or in a hospital bed or anywhere at all. I had been so focused on hoping and praying and wishing to be home for Christmas that I did not realize that I'll already have everything I could ever ask for no matter where I am. I plan on being  grateful for every minute.
      People often ask me how I keep my spirits up. I understand that my illness is  an awful and scary obstacle sometimes. But how could I be sad or depressed when I feel like the luckiest person in the world in every other way?
     I hope you all have a wonderful holiday however you are celebrating! Enjoy the scrumptious food, the shiny eyes of excited children, the fun of watching the opening of gifts, the crackling fire and twinkling lights. Above all, appreciate all you have and those you share it with. Hug  your loved ones a little tighter, let your kisses linger longer and know that the biggest gift of all is being able to love them and hold them close.  

*Merry Christmas!*
             *Seasons Greetings!* 
                            *Happy Holidays!*


Jane xo

Sunday, 9 December 2012

Holiday Wish List Extravaganza!

   I have been doing one of my favorite things - buying people presents! And I'm darn good at it too. My son is going to go bananas this Christmas! I've also been inspired by Pinterest to make some gifts for my girlfriends. It's been really fun! And so easy. I definitely suggest trying this. Maybe after the holidays I will show you what I've been up to. Have to keep those gifts hush hush! Even if you aren't crafty, you would be surprised at all the amazing things you can make yourself at home.  All this gifting has got me wondering...
What would be my perfect Holiday Wish List?!

Dear Santa
     All I want for Christmas is:

bliss super slough scrub 
My bottle is almost empty! This big blue bottle will be your new best friend. The fresh, clean, 'awake' scent is heaven on it's own. But with those little blue beads doing their job to buff and slough off dry skin, this scrub means business. I swear to you nothing is more refreshing on a hot summer day than a temperate shower and this invigorating body scrub to wake up you and your new silky smooth skin!



I have been drooling over this Urban Decay infamous eye shadow palette forever. The pigment is ultra rich and goes on whisper light and stays put all day and all night. I like the Naked2 palette over the original because it has kept all the golds and tawny browns that are great for day, plus has a jet-black and some grays to glam it up with a smokey eye for night! 

Studded Zipper Riding Boot
This may kinda be cheating because I kinda know they are kinda in a box in my mother's closet downstairs. Buy hey! They are still most definitely on my wish list. I love the brown slouchy boot with the buckles, but the studded inlay with the zipper detail gives it edge. These will be great for winter and they will even be fun to amp up some girly dresses when the warm weather arrives.

Polaroid 10-Megapixel Instant Print Digital Camera Z2300B with ZINK Zero Ink Printing Technology 

Whew! This tiny camera packs way more punch than just it's long winded name. It's pretty much the most awesome camera ever! If you're like me, and most people I know, we take a zillion pictures these days for twitter, facebook, texting, instagram, yadda yadda...But rarely (if ever!) do we get them developed for display or framing. Not anymore! This amazing little super guy prints your digital color pics for you - instantly! How awesome is that?!

Table Top Cotton Candy Maker
Need I say more?! It's no secret that I have a major sweet tooth but dentists - beware! If I had this little lovely at home, I would be whipping up colorful cotton candy at every occasion. Bag it for Halloween trick-or-treaters, for birthday treat bags, as party favors and any other event. Like, how about, 3pm? Three o'clock? I'll celebrate it! Bring on the cotton candy!

This would definitely be my Ultimate Holiday Wishlist! What items for your ultimate wishlist will you dream up? I would love to hear! To tell me all about them, 'Like' my Facebook Page. I always love messages and comments! The holidays are among us! Today is the first day of Chanukah and there are only 12 days left until Christmas! Happy Holidays and happy gifting everyone! <3 

Jane xo
      (and mistletoe :)

*NEW* added Dec 12/12
 Tonight my son sat down to write his list to the big guy at the North Pole. Like I said, I'm so excited for him! I think this will be his best Christmas yet. I was reading over his list and at the very end I came across a post script he had written which said, "Dear Santa, can you please send my mother a vintage typewriter like she's always wanted." Of course, my heart melted! My perfect little man thinking of his mama. Naturally, he was right, too! I've always wanted one since my grandmother let me borrow this amazing blue typewriter when I was younger. I absolutely had to add a Vintage Typewriter to my Ultimate Holiday Wishlist! :) 

P.S. Of course, above all the cotton candy in the world, I just want to be home to enjoy the holidays with my friends & family. This list is just for fun and full of things I love and think are awesome. ;) 

Checking In - An Update December 12, 2012

     I wanted to just write a quick note to let you know where I've been hiding! I'm sorry about the lack of posts but stay tuned - I have some pretty good stories lined up. Hopefully I'll be writing a great one in January about how amazing my Christmas was this year!
     I adore soaking up those magical two weeks between Christmas and New Year's filled with snowy boots, laughter and family. Nothing makes me happier than cuddling up with my boy watching Yukon Cornelius, Charlie Brown, Kevin McCallister and all the Christmas classics by the colorful cozy glow of the tree with a large mug of Egg Nog. 
     And yet, every year as the seasons come and go, it never fails - that when the weather changes, my symptoms erupt like clockwork. Every October and every March I'm sick and most likely in the hospital. I have missed six of the past seven holiday festivities and countless birthday celebrations.
    Last year, since I had just been moved to a general nursing unit from the ICU four days earlier, I spent Christmas in the hospital. It's kind of funny though, looking back. All things considered, it was as great as a Christmas could be there. My family and friends really made it special. I had a little tree, little twinkle lights, little presents and a lot of love. 
     Now it's one year later. Back in October I fell terribly sick with a fever. I was nauseous, dizzy and delirious for days. At one of my bi-weekly treatments at clinic my doctor did blood tests, x-rays and everything else under the sun. The doctor called me that night and told me to go straight to Emergency. My blood cultures had grown two bad bacteria (gram negative rods if you're savvy and something else I can't remember) and I was in a state of septic shock. I was put on extensive IV antibiotics for ten days before I was allowed home. Everything seemed to be going great. Until two weeks later. It happened again. Two weeks after that - again. They have CT Scanned, MRI'd and Ultra Sounded me every which way and my doctors cannot find where the infection is in my body that is getting into my blood stream and causing me to go septic. I always say that if the rest of my life wasn't so wonderful, I'd be the unluckiest person I know!
    I'm keeping high hopes and sending even higher prayers that I will be home with my family this year. I want to be there for everything! The decorating, the baking, the visiting, Santa, the tree and all of that tinsel sparkle and holiday magic. If it comes down to it though, I'd settle for a Christmas Eve/ Christmas Day overnight pass from the hospital. Fingers crossed!
 I hope you all are feeling the tingle of rosy cheeks and holiday cheer as much as I am! 

   Jane xo

Wednesday, 5 December 2012

December 5th, 2012 - Update

Hello everyone! 
As you may have noticed, I have not written anything new for weeks. I was admitted into the hospital for two weeks (with no internet!) over the past month. It was a serious emergency, but luckily for me I have two of the most amazing doctors who quickly got me back on my feet. I've been writing the past few days so I'm hoping to have a post to put up over the weekend. In the meantime, read your favorites and follow me on Twitter, Pinterest, and Facebook.

Jane xo